War of the Muses
by LadyoftheDrow
Summary: One can never have too many muses . . . or perhaps one can. A series of drabbles detailing my Gaean muses attempts to keep my other muses at bay.
1. Let Loose the Hounds of War

**Let Loose the Hounds of War**

**by **_LadyoftheDrow_**  
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><p>There was a crackle of electricity.<p>

My fingers twitched reflexively and I glanced around only to find nothing suspicious.

_Indignation Judgment!_

_Rest in Peace, Sinners! Judgment!_

I found my sights turning inward as the attacks caused my headache to rise. There, I saw a brunette in a lab-coat standing amidst a few others, silver hair prominent among them. Only meters away, I could see both Kratos and Yuan with weapons drawn.

Then Chaos rose into the air, Death Penalty in hand, and opened fire.

"How nice of you to join us, my Lady!" lab-coat-wearer called over, and I scowled. "Just taking care of a few pests."

Then I blinked.

"_Genesis?_"

"Hm?"

"Why are you wearing a lab-coat? Or glasses for that matter?" the scowl returned. "And _why_ are you lot fighting?"

"Ah, well, I truly don't know the answer to the first two." the Crimson Commander shrugged and smiled back at me, "As for the third. We're taking a stand. We Gaeans won't allow you being distracted by the other fandoms any longer."

"Won't _allow _me?"

Genesis threw a grin back at me and I rolled my eyes heavenward. "You ignored us for quite some time, my Lady. I'm just making sure your other loves don't make you forget us again."

"Good luck with that." I shook my head at him. "I'm pretty sure I've got about few hundred odd muses in here with how many ideas I've had over the years."

"Heh. I've always liked a challenge."


	2. Full Grown 2 Year Old

**Full Grown Two-Year-Old**

**x-x-x**

"Genesis."

Silence.

"Genesis."

Nothing.

"Genesis!"

Nada.

I scowled, left eye twitching as I looked at the brunette SOLDIER's back. The lab coat was gone again, but neither had he chosen to retrieve his duster, leaving me staring at the rare sight of harness and shirt. Finally, I sighed, glancing at the hardcover book in my hands, then reached up and-

SMACK~!

"Ow!" Genesis whirled to glare at me, snatching the book reflexively. "What the _Hell!_"

"Stop your sulking, Genny." I inwardly grinned at his flinch at the nickname. "I still love you, promise."

"You're indulging those heretics." He glanced away. "You're going to _forget _us again."

"Oi." I frowned back. "I already told you, I'm not going to _forget _you. I've been addicted for five years. I've played the original all the way to the Northern Crater, I've played Dirge several times over, and I'm on my second play-through of Crisis Core. I've watched Last Order. I've watched _both _versions of Advent Children more times than I can count."

Both brows rose at the list.

"I've only known about -man for a little over a year." I narrowed my eyes back at him. "I stopped watching the anime before finishing the first season because I got distracted by other fandoms. Gaea will always hold a special place for me, so stop throwing a diva-fit and try to get along with them for a little while."

His scowl returned and before his daydream of charbroiling Kanda could properly form, I poked his forehead roughly and tapped the book he'd snatched pointedly. Loveless. "I'm sure Lavi would be _very _interested in this. He's a scholar, you know."

"Really?"

Oh, dear _Goddess._ That expression on his face!

"Really."

_Why_ are all SOLDIERs such jaded overgrown children? Makes me want to turn them all into chibis, steal them away, and play whack-a-mole with Hojo's head. I wonder if Lavi would join in . . .? His Hammer could do such _lovely _damage.

"Besides, I may never actually post something for them, while you are starring in a story I've already posted multiple chapters of." I poked his chest. "Don't you feel special?"

"Your Cloud has more than me."

I scowled at him. His sorrowful expression flashed into a grin for a moment before returning to sorrowful.

Hedonistic, playacting, overgrown two-year-old . . .


	3. Inside Mom's Closet

**Inside Mom's Closet**

**x-x-x**

"Packaway tent, old swimming trophy, playstation original . . ." the silver-haired seven-year-old tilted his head with a frown, "Why is it covered in tape?"

"Hmm?" Genesis raised his head from examining a gown of what seemed to be crimson satin to look at the old gray system. The disc door didn't open when he hit the button, but popped open quite easily when he tugged with his fingers. "It seems to keep it shut."

"But . . . isn't this a bit excessive?" the boy gave a pointed look to how the tape covered the entire surface, even underneath, though it was slitted along the vents just like it had been around the CD-door.

"This _is _Lady we're talking about, Seph," the SOLDIER shook his head. "She's a strange one at times."

"Look, a wall scroll!"

"Who's on it?"

". . ."

"Let me see . . . . _Kisaragi Yufi?_ Why in the worlds does she have a wall scroll of the Wutain brat?"

"Here's another one, oh, nice." Seph held up the scroll in display. "You and Sephiroth."

The Banoran's face twisted somewhat, "Well . . . at least I can't complain of favoritism."

The boy with the face of his 'rival' snickered.


	4. Just Visiting

**Just Visiting**

"What are you doing?" Genesis looked up from the tablet in his hands to meet dark red eyes, and immediately frowned with an involuntary flare of jealousy. It was _Lilith_, Lady's favorite among her Original Characters.

"Looking at her Fanfiction History to see what I'm up against." He returned his eyes to the screen and skimmed down the Archive page, then flinched. "Horrendous."

"Can't be that bad . . ." the silverette leaned over and he tilted the screen so she could see it, he knew the moment she'd read what he had by the look of disgust. "Oh _Sharess _please tell me that English is their second language?"

"According to the profile they're from the USA." He dared to click on the oldest of the three works in search of an author's note with an answer. He quickly backtracked with a hand over his eyes. "Goddess, that is _butchery_. Utter and complete _butchery _that is a disgrace to all fanfic writers."

"We'll report that one." she reached over and typed rapidly on the screen before returning to the first page she'd seen. "Now, let's assess the first one, Tales of Symphonia…. The title alone is a horror, no capitalization _at all _and they didn't even bother to make sure the wording made since 'a the'? Seriously? Ugh."

"The summary is nearly as bad." The brunette grimace, "A complete lack of punctuation, and only one of the letters has received the proper capitalization. Are they writing from a PHS? They could at least put some honest effort into it!"

"Do we dare to click on the first chapter of this one?"

They traded glances, then made twin faces of disgust.

"Let's find a different one to assess . . ." she ran her finger along the screen, skimming the titles and summaries. She was gratified at how many were properly constructed, recognizing a few titles as one's _Ilhar _had on Alert. "Ah, this one."

"That one?" he frowned. "One word title, very difficult _not _to mess up . . ."

"No punctuation _again _and they even failed at grammar, Emil should be _Emil's, _boyfriend is only supposed to be one word, redhead is usually one word or at the least hyphenated." Lilith shook her head with a sigh. "They even failed to capitalize the second sentence of the summary."

" . . . Let's stop this. Any more assessments and my brain will explode."

"It hasn't already?" she questioned impishly.

He scowled back.


	5. Math and Melons

**Math and Melons**

CoWritten by _Lady of the Muses_**  
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**x-x-x**

_In the midst of the night, through a portal left open, Lady of the Muses snuck into the mind of her good friend, LadyoftheDrow. The mission was simple: come in, look around, provoke the muses, slip out. . ._

I looked at the floating numerals in front of my face, musing aloud as I did the math. "470 words there, plus that 1,306 words, equals . . ." I reached out and tapped the number, watching it change accordingly. "Divide that by the minimum . . . 0.7104. So . . . 71.04 percent."

_Lady of the Muses stared in shock and dawning horror. It wasn't that she couldn't do math - she'd gotten rather good marks fairly high into college math - but, her mind was wired into arts and languages. The creative things. She didn't like math, and was often chased off by it, by 'Drow when she was in her calculating moods... as it appeared she was now._

_Unable to bear the thought of being infected by math once more, Lady of the Muses grabbed the shopping cart she had arrived in and shoved it forcefully at the floating numbers in hopes of destroying them._

I jerked at the sound of a familiar rattling sound, tearing my eyes away from my calculations to lock onto the source.

Headed straight for me.

Yelping, I seized the first item at hand and threw it, attempting to slow the missile's momentum enough to get out of the way. The watermelon smashed brilliantly against the metal framework, but did little to slow it down. Instinct took hold, and I ducked behind the dozing man who'd been sitting nearby.

The rolling projectile slammed sharply into the elbow of an oblivious Genesis' propped up arm. Unprotected by even the leather of his absent duster, the brunette jolted fully awake with a cry of pain and a strangled curse.

Lady of the Muses observed the crash, nearly in slow motion and horror, one hand outstretched as if she could stop it. As she couldn't, it happened. The cart hit Genesis, and though it was a glancing blow, even she knew better than to stick around after waking him so. With a squeal, she turned and fled to the nearest port of safety - behind one staring, dumbstruck Angeal Hewley.

Equally dumbstruck, Genesis straightened after throwing the cart an incredulous look, and the red fruit bits splattered across him a look of disgust. Swiping at the mess, he stood up, and I winced as I caught sight of the angry set of his eyes. Maybe ducking behind the moody SOLDIER-muse hadn't been the _best _idea . . .

"Is he coming?" Lady of the Muses wanted to know, not daring to look at the undoubtedly angry red commander.

"No." Not yet. Angeal resisted a chuckle at the sight of his friend in such a state, tilting his head to observe him.

The moment Genesis noted the presence of the visiting writer was quite obvious. He stood, and started to gather the magic for a spell, a small fireball was released from his hand in short order, arcing in an attempt to strike the hiding target directly.

Lady of the Muses squealed, seeing the fireball flying her way, and ducked closer to Angeal, who simply twisted and scooped her up, stepping out of its flaming path. "_Genesis..._"

Getting to my own feet, I placed a restraining hand on the SOLDIER's arm, skin tingling at the sensation of uncast magic. "She wasn't actually _aiming _for you."

"It still hit me." Genesis scowled, glancing back at me.

"Only after I dodged it." I pointed out.

"So she was aiming at _you_?"

"I . . . 'm not sure." I threw a questioning glance over at Lady of the Muses.

"No-no, I wasn't trying to hit _anybody_!" Lady of the Muses insisted, waving from her perch in Angeal's arms. "I wanted to get rid of those wretched numbers!"

Genesis stared, "Numbers? You hit me and nearly hit Lady, all because of _numbers_?"

She nodded fervently. "They're wicked! They take over the brain! And-and if they take over her brain, she won't have any room for muses!"

Genesis tilted his head at the reasoning, "Her mathematician aspect has been around since years before she even had _any_ muses. The number of us in existence here . . . would prove your theory invalid."

Brown eyes flicked this way and that, nervously, before she gasped and pointed behind Genesis. "Look! It's Kratos!"

And she fled.


	6. What's in a Name?

**What's In a Name?**

**x-x-x**

I flitted my attention between the "An Earthling's Guide" theories and ideas that had been bouncing around in my head, seeking new logic.

_Coins in pierced form, often strung on cords and made of precious metals whose value increases and decreases from year to year . . . _

_Only three regional Banks across the world: Gold Shore on the Western Continent, Medallion in Mideel, and Boundry in the Midgar Area . . . _

_ShinRa and other minor corporations offer charge cards with an interest rate to non-employees to bolster profits . . ._

_. . . Increased Metabolism- If specialized diet is not followed, 03035's physical/mental condition will debilitate over time, dietary specifications attached in accordance with Subsection 37c-ii of the S.A.P. Statute of 1994. (See File 1881592)_

_86-985-6691_

_After successful passing the appropriate portions of the First Exams, a Cadet then rises to the position of Recruit and is reassigned to appropriate quarters until the End of Session in December . . ._

_1976 – Tseng, Anda_

_A location atop the Nibel Mountains existed in the same place that she was standing for a few moments . . . _

_A Cadet may possess up to three Materia:  
>*Curative and Support Materia are permitted to any age<br>*Independent and Command Materia must be registered.  
>*Offensive, Status and Summon Materia are forbidden except during fieldwork or emergencies<br>*Possession of Manipulate, Deathblow, Earth, Mystify, Exit, Comet, Destruct, or any Ulimate-type Magic Materia is cause for Suspension or Discharge if found in a Cadet's possession outside an emergency. . ._

I looked away from the hovering theories, another thought coming to mind and drowning them out. My eyes landed on a once-again dozing Genesis, who was apparently quite content with the results of my friends challenge. It didn't seem to matter that I was writing for other fandoms, because most of what I was working on was of Gaea. Once again, he was mysteriously lacking his duster, which I hadn't actually seen in months . . . and had similarly discarded his accessorial red gloves.

"Say, Gen?"

"Hm?" my ever present self-appointed 'guard' lifted his head from his arm, opening his eyes with a lazy look.

"Why don't any of you call me by name?"

He blinked owlishly, not answering right away. "It's not allowed . . ."

"Why not?"

The Not-Currently-Very-Crimson Commander shrugged one shoulder, lips twisting into a frown, "It just isn't."

"Who says?"

"No one, really . . ." Genesis tilted his head to one side, brow furrowing in frustration. "We just _can't_."

"Literally?" My voice climbed an octave in incredulity.

"Mmm." He nodded, tapping his head. "Something inside . . . won't let us even think your given name. It's . . . forbidden to us."

"It right there though," I pointed at the first line of _**ShinRa Personnel File ACA #03035**_**, **which had taken to hovering just above and to the left of his outstretched foot. Reflexively, he followed my direction, but his eyes seemed to just slip over the virtual page. "You can't even read it properly, can you?"

"We _know _what your name is, we're manifestations of your psyche." Genesis gave another half-shrug, returning his gaze to me. "Since we can't call you that, we either avoid calling you anything, or come up with a title that suits us. 'Lady', 'My Lady', 'Mother', 'Ilhar', whichever is most comfortable."

"Huh . . ." I frowned, considering it. "I wonder what would happen if you _did _say my name then . . . either something very good or . . ."

"Something _very_ bad."


End file.
